Simmeringdream Productions

For I’d say, the past year or so, I’ve been having this odd Zombie dreams. A few months ago, I was feeling particularly vulnerable, and a few nights later, I have a dream of being a bad arse Zombie slayer. I was no “Buffy” in my own dreams, but hey, I never really liked that chick anyway. Manic depressive girl on a rampage, never having fun at what she does. If it were like Dexter Morgan in her shoes, he’d be smiling as he was hacking up them bloody vamps. So would I… hell, I have a huge shit-eating grin on my face while axing away at the Zombies trying to

The year seems to be coming to a close at it’s typical
fast pace. With it ends another year that I’m not sure what I did to make
the year worth-while. Then again, many times, these things simply happen to
you. It’s what causes people to say “it was a pretty good year” This year
for me had its ups and downs.

Unlike last year, with more and more downs hurtling down the spiral of
despair, this year was more like a rolllercoaster. Good things, bad things.
Things that just are. I found a desperation this year. I found for the first
time, in most of my life, I have finally gotten myself out of the audience
in the movie theatre, and finally taken a step into the movie itself.

Almost like letting my eyes be open for the first time. Thinking… to not
just be, but be something. Before, I’d see something happening in front of
me, I’d watch, and react like I was watching a movie. Reacting from a
distance. Making a comment.

And that’s about it.

Now…. now I say something. Now, at the risk of insulting someone, I say
the best thing, I possibly can about the situation. The difference you see,
is now, I’m actually talking to them…. instead of about them.

But all this is causing something to happen in me too. Like a child seeing
the world for the first time. I’m reacting to things now that Id seen
thousands of times before as if for the first time.

I think this is especially true in terms of … well guys. Amazingly enough.
Where as before, I never before gave much of a fig about the thoughts of one
to me. Like I never cared how they felt about me, now I seem to care all to
much about what one thinks of me.

Kinda scary… to let myself care what someone thinks of me.

In looking at it all logically, I came to the conclusion, I’d rather be
scared,, and learn to deal with it…. instead of never experiencing this
fear at all. My heart has been racing over this more then it has in years!
Like, caring has finally burst forth the damn that I’m desperately trying to
swim against the current to, while laughing all the way.

It’s exhilarating! Scary! But most of all… the changes, I think… are for
the better.

I think this is a major step in me becoming a person that can finally try to
understand humanity. Watching and experiencing are worlds apart. I think
now… the things I do will be for the better…

Ah I see, looks like rain, no wonder I’m feeling so lethargic….back to bed for me.

relishes in the zombie dreams she keeps having….

there simmply aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do all the research I want….

Wants the results to her Exam Test, like, super-right-now bust-a-move! 5 -7 more weeks! *bites nails*

counting down the days till Twilight!

totallly did NOT see that flashing ambulance behind me!

Had a kid’s movie marathon, Wall-E, Tinkerbell,and Journey to the Center of the Earth…. Wall-E made me cry…. twice….

now cleans fans too!